Touching Others Lives

As I sit by my Grandma's bedside as she slowly passes away, I realize the impact that she has had on so many people's lives. She made the decision to touch so many lives with her compassion, strength and heart. I have the same choice every day.

My Grandma was granted no simple life. She became a full-time caretaker for her husband after his spinal cord injury when they were in their early 20s. She was never burdened by this, and her strength was out of love for her family. Her life was spent in and out of hospitals. She held the hands of the passing patients, while she still supported my Grandpa and raised a two year-old. When my Grandpa spent the last years of his life in the hospital, she never managed to miss a year of bringing home-made cherry mash to every employee for Christmas. She brought joy into less than perfect situations.

More recently, my Grandma entered a full-time nursing home about 7 years prematurely, but as she called it "The Institution" was her home. Super-nursing-home-women is her name. If it had to be done she did it. She recorded the minutes of all the Residence Council meetings (of course, I don't think this is necessary at all), she was the designated photographer for every event, and if the staff members weren't doing their jobs she was the one to make sure every resident had a voice (even if they literally didn't). Up until 3 months ago, my Grandma was the most functioning resident for seven years. She chose to make a not so glamorous life into one. Her compassion saturated "The Institution."

Today it all hit me. As a few members of the kitchen staff entered her room after their shift in tears of disbelief, I realized that my grandma touched so many lives that I can not even fathom. These were not the first staff members, residents, or resident's family that came to share our grief. Her quick regression into this state left "The Institution" in shock. The cancer took over her faster than anyone could imagine. As she now is comfortable to pass, I know those of us she touched are not as comfortable with this sudden deterioration. Even if it is all too soon, we will wait with her hand in ours. When she is ready she will leave the world that she has so beautifully touched.

Her compassion drove people towards her throughout her life. My Grandma loved people. Now, I will chose to carry on her contagious compassion towards people.

The Truth of Lying

I have had a lot of trouble writing this most recent blog post. Maybe because I have been out of the loop with blogging, but it's more because I don't know if I am ready to ask my questions to the world (or just the few who read my blog). But here I go.

Why do people lie?

I have had my fair share of innocent lies throughout my life. I lied almost every night as a kid about washing the table, when all I really did was just wipe the crumbs to the floor for my brother to sweep. I lied about how much time I have spent studying versus watching tv. I have lied about what I really did the night before. I have lied (or as I like to call it exaggerating) to make my stories just a little more entertaining.

I can not lie about lying, because it's just impossible. We all have told a few small tales.

I honestly can say that I have never lied about who I am. I think that the moment when someone lies about the defining characteristics of who they are is when lying becomes such a hurtful and deceitful act.

Recently I have been lied too. Not just lied too, but I was told a fictitious story that was so intertwined into my own life that it makes me now question everything. It makes me wonder what other lies I have been living, and who else has been and will be lying to me. It honestly gives me a disgusted feeling inside thinking about how anyone could possibly be so relentless with other's emotions. All of these things keep circulating in my head and maybe always will, but I have found with every lie there is still truth. Truth is always there.

My recent encounter with this compulsive liar brought out truth too. It brought out the importance that truth plays every day. Lies can seem like they have saturated my life for some time now, but the best thing about truth is that it is always there and is stable. Lies come and go, and are always revealed.

I realized that it is the truths in life that get us by day to day. I know everyday I will wake up and my family will unconditionally love me. They will stand by my side and be a solid truth in my life. I know that I have friends that will be there for me and love me for who I am and what I do. But most of all, I have the truth of myself.

I am my biggest truth. I can not lie to myself and I can not hide from myself, so when it seems like lies are colliding with my world, I can find the truth within myself. It's comforting that I know I can trust myself in the end. Even if I have acted like someone I may not have wanted to be, I am still me and am honestly true to myself. I know in my heart when I am not me.

At the end of the day, despite the malicious lies others may have told us, we all have the honesty of ourselves to hold true to.