The End of Holiday Bliss

Officially today has concluded my Holiday season. It seems this way every year when my brother heads back to Connecticut. Unfortunately this year it happens to be before New Years, due to his extensive time taken off for his wedding at the beginning of this year. I am sad that the bliss has to end, but so fortunate to have spent a wonderful holiday season not only with him and his wife, but also with so many other family members and friends.

As I have grown older, I have learned the simple joys in the Holiday season. They really are the only joys and the greatest joys. It's not about the gifts we open or give on Christmas Eve; it is merely about the time I spent with so many important people in my life. It's the time for families to have reasons to spend time together, and as I want to say an excuse I don't because it is truly the time of year when everyone devotes time out of our haphazard schedules to family and friends.

This year, we got together with my grandma's side of the family that I have not seen in 10 or 12 years. It was wonderful to see what mature adults my second cousins have grown to be, and be able to catch up with my great aunt and uncles. These are priceless presents that Christmas offers. It doesn't matter what I unwrapped from under the tree or how much money I spent on gifts, because being with the people you love during this time is the most important part of the Holiday season. These moments are the ones that bring us back down to reality and retreat us from the material world that is so minuscule in the scheme of life.

I am very fortunate to have such a loving and extraordinary family, and will never take this for granted. Regardless if you spent the holidays with your distant family or just with your immediate family, the Holidays are times that people get together with the people in their lives that are important to them. I am lucky to have seen every one of my cousins but two and all my immediate aunts and uncles, but I did not spend Christmas Day with any distant family. I spent them with family friends. People who are like family. The Holidays help us realize the ones in our lives who will always be there and will always love us.

We all know, or at least should know, these things about the Holiday season, and instead of me being sad the season is over, I am happy to have these memories from this year and can not wait until next year for new ones.

As an end note, having a white Christmas was almost perfect, but I could do with a little less snow or at least a snow blower so that I don't have to shovel snow with dust pans any other year. It was very hard work with very little pay off. I hope every one had a perfect Holiday season! We can look forward to a New Year now!

50% Off Hot Tubs

So I wondered today as I finished my Christmas shopping, which is an improvement to previous years when I start and finish on Christmas Eve, where all the shoppers were. Maybe they already bought 50% Off Hot Tubs for all their loved ones, because of the tremendous cardboard advertisements with authentic black Sharpie writing, on random corners throughout Kansas City. I am marveled and confused by the not so professional advertising scheme of the hot tub industry. I saw these signs stuck in the ground in three different parts of the city today (which let me conclude...did not encompass much outside of my bubble), and I still do not know which company or brand of Hot Tubs they are. Only a phone number printed too small to read was below the original slogan that this advertising wiz came up with. I have to admit, it did catch my attention, and possibly the other shoppers who did not want to come out to shop today. I mean who wouldn't want to sit in or think about a Hot Tub on this rainy, cold afternoon in Kansas City?

I also wonder if shoppers actually prepared this week ahead of time, because of the blizzard coming our way. I mean it has been fifty years since Kansas City has seen snowfall on Christmas. Because of Gary Lezak's 100% chance of a white Christmas forecast, the whole city is overly anxious (and shopped before today) in preparation for a Winter Wonderland tonight and tomorrow. I did, in fact, dread this day of shopping in such gloomy weather, and my lack of creativity for gifts this year put a damper to my usual gleeful mood.

This year it was so bad that this morning I went into my closet and found a sweater I had bought for myself in the men's section of a sale, and wondered if it would work for my father. I knew my brother would know if this could slide with some burned CDs that my dad always loves. My brother and his wife stared at me with frightening looks, as I held up the black and white v-neck striped sweater. My brother described the sweater as "cute" and assured me that was a bad sign.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my father dearly and my poor choice to even think this could pass resulted in me spending the most money on him this year, and carefully picking the music on his mixed CDs. I was feeling a little guilty as I parked, unusually close for Christmas Eve day, at the mall.

The mall was empty. Target was empty. Van Maur was empty. Town Center was empty...under the circumstances of the Holiday. I felt as if I needed to scope out all of the Kansas City shopping areas, just to confirm my skepticism of the citizens of Kansas City opting for 50 % off Hot Tubs this year. I did not, though, slump to this shopping level and only hit the places that were necessary for my shopping. I was slightly sad that I didn't have my adrenaline racing this year due to the clusters of shoppers, sales associates no where to be found, and long, tiring lines at registers. I do think I wait until this day every year for this high of shopping at the last minute. I just knew I was doomed when I stepped up and actually shopped yesterday, too.

Regardless of why my shopping experience was slightly defective, I am happy to be home with 4 hours to spare for wrapping before we open our gifts. Yes, we open all of our gifts on Christmas Eve. It has to do with my brother and my anxiety that exists about the gifts under the tree. We try to blame it on Grandma every year, and still to this day we discuss whether or not we are going to open gifts on Christmas Eve. The answer is the same every year. Why not open Christmas presents on Christmas Eve? It is somewhat of a tradition now, the questioning negligent, and has been since I can remember.

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and hope others had a more pleasant shopping experience, than my "actual" good one rather than my "typical" stressful one. Maybe someone I know will get a Hot Tub for Christmas.

Letting Go

"Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head."
-- Ann Landers

Living rent-free: what a concept. Although I have absolutely no room to speak, considering that I live rent-free in the wonderful hospitality of my parent's home, it really does sound ideal. My parents don't despise me, or at least they do not show their distaste in my company as a roommate. I did decorate the Christmas Tree by myself this year and certainly will never let them or my brother forget that. But why would anyone let someone they loathe live in the hearts and heads, with no rent?

I guess this goes along with the famous "forgive and forget" line. It is nearly impossible to actually forget resentment when you have neglected to forgive. I luckily do not hold a lot of resentment and to be truthful, I can't even come up with the last time I was extremely mad at anyone on a level that I would really let it get to me. I think this is because resentment builds up and if you do not forgive in small doses, its harder and harder to forgive as resentment builds.

I am not perfect and neither are the people that are in my life. We are all human and make mistakes. Our mistakes do not define us as less of a person. They define us as improving people. I know that once I have made a mistake, I do not think to myself, "Well, I can't wait for the next time I make that again." No, we learn from every mistake we make and try to improve ourselves, so that we don't make the same mistake twice. So why should we punish the people we love in our lives, who are really just experiencing mistakes to become better individuals.

Yes, I am looking at this in a very optimistic light, and I am not saying some mistakes do not include malice. I am saying that holding resentment for even the acts that were intended to hurt us, is only hurting ourselves. The perpetrator of these acts may only want you to be emotionally affected and by letting them live in your minds is only allowing them to win.

I don't only believe that it lets them win, I also think that it hurts the ones you love around you. When you are resenting and holding so much anger, there is no way it doesn't seep out of your skin and start to affect the ones important in our lives. Although we all make mistakes, I am sure none of us want to hurt our loved ones.

Why not Forgive and Let Go?

Letter to Me

"If I could write a letter to me and send it back in time to myself..." - Brad Paisley

I rarely listen to the lyrics of any song and actually analyze them. This would account for my terrible ability to sing the right words of songs, when I listen to music. My friends would all vouch for this quality I portray far to often. But this Brad Paisley song really got me thinking about what I would write in a letter to myself 10 years ago.

I have come to the conclusion that I wouldn't want to "write a letter to me" about all the things that could get me through the tough times of my adolescent years. I mean it is impossible, but looking at the hypothetical situation, I think the tough times are what make us who we are. If we were to give our selves advice about how to avoid certain situations or inspiration that it will all work out in the end, I would not be the person I am today.

Every moment we live, we are cultivating our personalities and creating our identity. I mean I wouldn't be the same person if after 8th grade graduation, I decided not to wipe the poison ivy plant all over my face in a stubborn act of "knowing" it wasn't poison ivy. I clearly was punished for this stupid act, with swollen shut eyes and a face that did not resemble my own. I am not defined by this certain incident, although it does still get brought up frequently, and it wasn't a turning point in my stubborn personality. It is just one piece of the puzzle that makes me who I am.

It made me think about some of the hype about the ethical controversies dealing with genetically altering genes of your future child. I certainly have mixed feelings about this when it deals with big issues like disease, deformities, and other issues that provide for complications during child birth. I understand the pros and cons, but I just don't think we should essentially act like God to cure a potentially troubled child. Luckily science sees many of these ethical controversies and it is monitored.

I don't condone any type of materialistic genetic engineering. What will our world have come to, if I can chose my child's eye color, body build or their athletic ability. Our identities are not only shaped by our experiences and troubles in life. They are also shaped by superficial aspects, even if we do not want to admit it.

Regardless if it's my blonde hair or my run in with poison ivy, each of these things have shaped who I am today. I wouldn't change anything about my past, because to really live, you have to live through what might not be the glamorous times to appreciate the good times. I try to look at the bad times as actual times that glorify the good times. My last poison ivy incident in May did not seem as traumatic as the first, regardless if it was a week before my brother's wedding.

I think my "letter to me", would be two words. Experience Life. I certainly couldn't write a whole song about it.

Getting Caught Up in Expectations

My friend Holly A. Urkevich recently blogged about Expectations. It got me really thinking about life without expectations. A life that disregarded goals and ambitions. A life I can't possibly fathom.

I think there is a distinct difference in living a life without expectations and living a life getting too caught up with in expectations. You can't possibly live a life without expectations. Every moment of our existence is based on expectations. Expectations from our parents, friends, family, society, and most of all our expectations of ourselves. Every decision we make turns into an action that is fueled by motivation or impulse. Both based on expectations of what we are anticipating as a result.

The easy shopping model can demonstrate this. I saw a shirt last night at Anthropology that I loved and the fact it was on the sale rack made it even better. Right then, I knew I shouldn't buy it, because I didn't need it. But in my mind I was visualizing my expectation of it. Where I would wear it and would people like it. Very superficial but still an expectation. I bought the shirt and am wearing it right now. My expectation was met.

The bigger picture is your expectations of yourself. Your goals and ambitions in life. Without them, I don't know how much I would accomplish. I would not be the person I am or much of a person at all. I would walk, breathe and eat through life and wait for something to plop on my lap and when it did, I wouldn't even know what to do because without expectations you can't have motivation.

Paul Arden writes, "Your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset you have. Without having a goal it's difficult to score."

A vision is an essential tool that every single individual has. Even if they don't want to admit it, they still have it. We are humans who anticipate the future. Maybe only the future of tomorrow or of our whole lives. But they are still visions that require us to have expectations.

The problem with expectations is getting caught up in them. Making them a basis for your survival. Not letting your expectations bring happiness. Letting them bring disappointment and frustrations. Your in control of your expectations, so let them bring happiness and hope to your life. Getting caught up in expectations can be almost as detrimental as having no expectations.

Simplicity

I truly hate to admit what motivated me to think about simplicity. How could I have possibly spent at least an hour stressing over a 3 dollar bottle of Equate brand lotion that I have not been able to open for a week. Yes, I have gone unmoisturized for a week now, because the first bottle of Equate lotion did not open after I twisted, pushed, turned, and eventually cracked the lid. Then once I returned it for yet the same exact bottle yesterday, I hoped my father could help me with this one. But no my dad with his Phd in robotic engineering could not succeed at the task either. So I stormed off to Walmart to return yet the second bottle of lotion. As I drudged through my kitchen, regretting this unnecessary errand, I just gently turned the spout 45 degrees and what do you know...it opened!

This bottle of lotion was simple to open, but like too many tasks I pursue, I made the journey complicated and harder than it really was.

Why in life do we walk down the rocky, steep road, when there is a cleared path right next to us? The cleared path just always seems harder to find and maybe taking the unbeaten path teaches us more lessons. No I didn't learn anything from that bottle of lotion along the way. Or maybe I did? Like the simple concept of Patience.

According to Confucius, "Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." What a genius statement. Why are we so insistent on bringing unnecessary stresses, relationships, problems, and so many other ailments into our lives?

Since the moment we were corrupted after our toddler and childhood years, we have brought baggage into our own lives that do nothing but bog us down and restrict us from moving forward. Life will have its obstacles, but why should we embrace them as treachery? Why not turn the rocky, steep road into a peaceful canyon that will guide us to our destiny with beautiful scenery? Sounds maybe too idealistic for the chronic pessimist, but it's certainly worth a try.

The Satisfaction of Completion

Completion: conclusion; fulfillment

The definition of completion could not be better said. Today, I finally finished a project that I have spent countless hours on. Not only am I ecstatic about the completion, I also feel completely fulfilled with the accomplishment. But now that it's over, I want it again! I want to set my goals higher and work harder at completing these projects and goals.

I remember when I was a kid and I FINALLY learned to ride a bike. It took practice, work, a few bruises and scrapes, but paid off in the end. It's was a moment euphoric happiness. Why should everyday not include one of these moments of innocence? Everyday we accomplish something in our lives and maybe we aren't letting ourselves live out our emotions of success.

Although my project was time-consuming and strenuous, it was not really that bad. And truthfully it may have been at the time, but now that it's over and my hard work paid off, I don't need to remember that I was awake at 5:30am printing countless pages and making last minute changes. I need to remember that accomplishing something that is valuable to me is vitally important to my progress and growth as a person.

I think about the goals I have for myself and how many of them I have yet to begin. The hardest part of achieving our goals is figuring out where to start. With the end in mind, these beginning steps to accomplishment are so minuscule to the big picture. The end picture. We will never move forward without beginning. Seems obvious, but it is a piece of advice I may just use myself.

The Law of Attraction

"Positive and negative emotions cannot occupy the mind at the same time. One or the other must dominate. It is your responsibility to make sure that positive emotions constitute the dominating influence of your mind." -Napolean Hill

I am hopefully optimistic about this whole phenomenon about the Law of Attraction. In fact, I am truly really weary of the whole idea, but I thought I would occupy my mind with positive emotions about it. Because of this degree of uncertainty about positive and negative vibrations that supposedly control my destiny, I will keep my composure with positive thoughts and vibrations so that for any reason I may not be destroying my own fate.

Getting rid of negative thoughts seems like a tough job to accomplish. I think about a comment I frequently used with a friend in college. "Don't be late" I told her too often. If I would have really switched that to the positive and said "See you on time" the next time I headed out the door, would that have really sent a positive vibration that would have attracted positive behavior on her part? I mean it certainly is more polite and maybe she would have responded more positive if she felt that words weren't attacking her.

The one thought I have taken seriously from the few books I have tried to fully get into about the Law of Attraction, is about what you don't want vs. what you want. There is absolutely no (oh no a negative!) reason why you should dwell on the things that you don't want in life when you can reverse your thinking and think about what you do want. Say I hate my job and don't want to work there forever. I should reverse this statement and think about how I want a job that will fully occupy my desires. Being even this slightly optimistic is setting goals in sight for yourself, instead of digging yourself in a hole of blindness.

I have to say I am not an expert on this subject (actually the positive statement to this: I am a novice on this subject). I am attempting to read (well finish at least) another book about the science of attracting more of what I want and less of what I don't want. I plan to be as positive about the experience, yet again.

Fire

"A Destructive Burning"

This is my superficial definition of a fire, but as I think about it more, I don't like the word destructive in it. The word fire has so many meanings and most of them are negative. Fired from work or your house destroyed by fire. Those are the most common images that arise in my mind when I think of fire. But fire is not always destructive and when it is, the best always comes out of it. We have fires everyday in our lives that we must put out and learn to move past them. These fire actually positively affect our lives in the long run or at least we can make them.

I think of the only real fire in my life so far and that was my sophomore year of college when I was living in Arizona. I remember the phone call from my dad. He sounded so calm. He asked me what I was doing, and I told him (nothing important compared to what he was doing). He proceeded to say, "Well, I am standing outside mom's store and watching it burn." WHAT??? That was my response to my dad's passive remark. He proceeded to tell me that the store next door (which was part of the same building) was burning to the ground, and that they frantically had just pulled "the important" stuff from my mom's store before they had to evacuate. So they were just standing in the street watching. Hoping for the best; for the fire to not spread.

Luckily, my mom's store did not burn as the other store did. But the horrible smoke damage caused all the merchandise in her store to be ruined. We were tremendously fortunate and only had to close our doors for a week to re-merchandise and rid the smoke stench. It was a devastation to the community, but like all disasters some good will come from it with the work of individuals. My mom and her girls, designed, pieced and quilted three quilts. One remains in the store today as a remembrance of this day, one hangs in the Overland Park fire department and one was auctioned off to raise money for the fire department that worked so hard to save a downtown area.

Good can come from every fire. Our small daily fires that are so easy to put out but rarely are or our large fires that burn holes in our minds or in our hearts. I like to think that every night when I go to bed that I can put out my fire for the day and make it a positive experience. There will be a fire everyday that challenges what we do, how we act, and ultimately how we survive our lives. Why live to survive our lives when we can live to embrace the heat of the fire and make something of it?

Our Pace of Life

"There is more to life than increasing its speed" - Mohandas Gandhi

It doesn't take a journalism major to know that if you only read the first few paragraphs or even the headline of a news article, you have the vital information. Lately, I have been using this trick of the inverted pyramid of news writing, to speed up my daily news fix. The faster I read, the more information I get. This might be the truth if I honestly budget my news reading time allotted for the day, but I don't. I don't really schedule my days to minute, or even to the hour. As hard as it is, I try (very hard) to live each moment of everyday to it's fullest.

Yesterday, a friend of mine who visited New York City this past weekend mentioned that she felt like everyone in the city just rushed around like they had somewhere to be. The image that was painted into my mind was a busy street filled with people, who just wanted time to sit and relax. I imagined myself running through this busy street just looking for a coffee shop, a library or a restaurant to just sit and take some time to think.

I felt for a long time, and still sometimes do, that if I race around faster than I did the day before and fill my schedule with work and activities, that the time to relax and enjoy myself will come sooner and will be more appreciated. I don't think that this is true at all. The faster, I race the more time I have to occupy with other things. Other things that do not involve enjoying myself. So why not enjoy myself all the time and stop racing away from what really is not all that bad.

As George Hallas says: "It's only work if there's someplace else you'd rather be." So if you just stop running through life thinking about everything you would rather be doing, you might realize that you enjoy what you have been labeling as "work".

Illusion of Freedom

"The only freedom that is of enduring importance is freedom of intelligence, that is to say, freedom of observation and of judgment exercised in behalf of purposes that are intrinsically worthwhile." John Dewey from Experience & Education.

What is freedom? And how do we exercise our freedom? The answer can not be found in a book or from the wisest philosopher. It can only be found in ourselves. Before our individual freedoms can even be defined we must come to the revelation that we not only are in control of our freedoms, but we also inhibit them.

It's ironic that today is Veterans Day. We observe this day in the United States to honor those individuals that have served or are serving for our country and protecting those freedoms we are so fortunate of. But do we utilize this freedoms as we should? Do we even realize that the most abundant freedom lies within our own minds and actions?

To explain how we inhibit this freedom, two words pop into my mind. Impulse and control. These forces work together and they work against each other. Think about that really great pair of shoes you think you can't live without or even just that Starbucks coffee that will boost your day. We can easily pull out our piece of plastic and buy these things, without any reflective thinking. But what we are exercising here is impulsive. Impulsive behavior can be controlled but when we are not reflecting on our decisions we exhibit no control. This scenario is only a portion of the large picture of this problem of inhibiting our own freedoms.

Think about this. We are surrounded with so many resources in our everyday lives. The internet, books, people, art, pop culture, and so many other elements that can only enrich our lives. Do we stimulate the control to use this things to our advantage? Why not? Knowledge can only improve and enrich our lives, but we must have the intrinsic motivation and drive to seek it out at all lengths possible. This doesn't mean picking up Hamlet if you are not interested in Literature. But it does mean that if you like football or video games, learn more about it. Make your knowledge more extensive about what ever it may be that makes you happy. You have the freedom to do that.

To conclude, I do honor those men and women who have served or do serve our country and I think that we as United States citizens should not take for granted what they have helped contribute to us. Men have sacrificed their lives so that we can read what ever book we want, to learn about whatever we want to know about. It is your right!